Shocking headline of the week

When I came across this headline, I almost fell of my chair in shocked amazement. Brace yourself…

“Prayers offered by strangers have no effect on recovery”

YOU WHAAAAAAAA!11oneone! *Shakes head in disbelief*. I know I know. Gain your composure. In fact it goes on “researchers from Harvard…and five other US medical centres found that…patients who knew strangers were praying for them had higher incidence of complications than people who got no prayers”.

So wait a second here, NOT ONLY does the praying not work, but it made people SICKER?! This is too much. And also, the research took a decade, and 2.8 million f*cking dollars. Your honestly telling me the money and effort would not have been better off spent CURING THE DISEASES THESE PEOPLE WERE SICK FROM. Man, I can’t wait for the day when I rule the planet. There’s gonna be none of this tomfoolery I tell you that for nothing…

Here’s my suggestion on what I would spend $2.8 Million on, if I had the option:

• I would give a dollar to a group of 2.8 million people. But make them collect it at a very inconvenient place. So they’d have to pay for transport to get there. That’d p*ss them off… Cos you see…they’d spend more than a dollar to get there…

• I would fund the development of a huge pool for my garden, and keep my own shark. And I would call it Sharkey. They I would change my name to George. And we would become Crime Busters of the Sea. Doo Doo Da Doo Da Doo Doo

• I would hire 2.8 million prostitutes at a dollar a piece. For that price we would just sit down and discuss the state of society at present. And how we as a people can help reduce our input to global warming. They’d of course be naked…

• I would rent a whole cinema and watch Basic Instinct 2…on my own…in the dark…But I wouldn’t watch it…I’d play Gameboy…Ooooh I’m so naughty…

• I’d hire my own personal assistant, who would do nothing but scratch me.

• I’d fund inventions. My own. Including shoes that compliment you every time you take a step.

• I’d fund my own team of scientists to discover why exactly I can’t yawn and keep my eyes open at the same time.