I am one Kick-Ass agony uncle. You better believe it...
I started reading letters from people for agony aunties to reply to, but the letters are unbelievably sh*tty. So I just had fun with the titles. I’m sure that’s all I really needed to know anyway…
My parents control me. Dear Susie. You need to be controlled. If it weren’t for them you would be a crack smocking wh*re with too many children.
Am I undesirable? Dear Janet. Upon viewing your picture, I would have to say yes, yes you are.
He’s not the man I married. Yes he f*cking well is. You’re not the same woman. You put on weight and you wont do that thing he loves. You knew what he was like but you were too insecure to remain single. You deserve your husband.
Should I cross dress? What the…No. No you shouldn’t. You freak. Don’t let anyone tell you your feelings are normal. Their not. Damn. Make me wana vomit and I’ve just eaten Jaffa Cakes. Are you gonna buy me new Jaffa Cakes? Cos I didn’t think you would .
Should my mum leave me money? No freaking way. It’d be better of in a cat’s home. You’d only snort it or smoke it.
He can’t commit. Or you won’t do what it takes to pleasure him so he goes elsewhere…
My husband visits a prostitute. See above.
Should I throw my son out? PROBABLY. He’s been stealing from you, and I’m pretty sure he watches his sister shower.
I’m a 25 year old and my friend’s 15-year-old sister keeps flirting with me. I flirt back and am considering taking it further. Are you serious? Peado.
12 year old wants a baby. Omg. I had to read on. “I love him but he hates me”, “He makes me self-harm,” “I want a baby with him ”. Y ou are a moron. I blame the parents.
Sex with my sister-in-law. Yes it counts as incest you sister-banging-dumba*s.
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