From the 'Kel's guide' Series...

Kel’s guide to…Etiquette:

What is etiquette? Defined as Socially correct behaviour, decorum, good form, manners etc. It “restricts the ways in which people interact with each other, and show their respect for other people…”. Me, I have etiquette. I have manners. This is obviously in my own opinion. I have etiquette, but only according to me. Other peoples idea’s of etiquette are likely to differ (from mine). Let me lay down a few Do’s and Don’ts regarding etiquette around myself, and others who have a shred of decency.

Do’s:

DO Offer help to others when their in need, both financial and other.
DO Offer advice to friends, always with the best intentions.
DO Lie. Lie like a motherf*cker. But good lies. “Nah man, your chick is hot”. When clearly we all know she has a moustache…
DO Share man! Don’t wait for people to ask for things. Sometimes they don’t even know they want something until you offer. This would only apply if your friend refrains from any of the “Don’t” things. If they do, don’t share nothing. Stupid c*nt don’t deserve anything…
DO Hide your homosexual feelings for your friends. They don’t appreciate your gay loving, and you can consider the relationship dead after the outburst…

Don’ts:

DON’T Make a friend have to ask for something back. Money, DVD’s, Books. Always offer way too early, just so they know you haven’t forgotten, and then deliver later obviously…
DON’T Take the p*ss. It may seem simple enough, but half of you don’t know when to f*cking call it quits.
DON’T Ask for money if you still owe someone money. Surely that’s obvious?…evidently not. (Could be considered as “Taking the p*ss”).
DON’T Compete. Nobody likes a big head. Nobody likes a boaster. Take a look at yourself…are you one of these people? Take a huge piece of humble pie. Look again. Same? Then lemme tell you. You aint sh*t. There’s nothing special about you. Stop thinking your hot. Your friends rip you to sh*t behind your back.
DON’T Gossip. It’s not big and it’s not clever. Do I need to say obvious sh*t like this? I think I do…

Being the hypocrite I am, I do most of the Don’ts, and only few of the Do’s.

Nah, kidding. I’m perfect.