From the 'Kel's guide' Series...

Kel’s guide to…Things girls say, and what they really mean:

Awwww that’s cute – What has just happened evokes some emotion within me. However it has completely ruled you out as a potential mate in the near future. Please refrain from touching me.

We just kissed – She’s lying. They did what I like to call, “Giving it to the Devil”. And by the looks of her, they did it more than once.

I love you – I’m feeling insecure. I need some affirmation you have feelings for me too. I promise you will get oral later.

We can be friends – And by friends she means, “Seriously, whatever it takes for you to go away I’ll say it. And then when you’re gone, don’t expect to hear from me again. Ever.”

Can you help me with this? – I’m hoping my mediocre looks will enable me to get you - someone I have no interest in - to help me with a task. I do not however, despite what my flirtatious actions may tell you, wish to date/call/speak/see you ever again in my life.

Of course I don’t fake it – Are you fucking kidding me? I fake it every time. If I weren’t so busted*, I’d go out and find a real man.

But mum, I love him – And by “him”, I mean the way he’s such a rebel, and the way you don’t like him. And I love the way he has no job and failed at every educational institution he attended. I also love the way he gets me into new interesting things, like drugs, and underage sex…

Is that too far? I’m beginning to think I have serious mental issues…Anywhoo. Lets continue;

No, no, I DO want to see you again its just…Honestly, there should be a school for dicks like you. I try to hint that I don’t like you, but you won’t give it up. *Sigh*, why did the lord bless me with such great looks…

Do I look fat? – I swear to god if you say yes I’m gonna kill myself. I know I look fat, but remind me why I’m sleeping with you by lying to my face. Sweetie…

I can get any man to do anything I want…- Usually accompanied by tongue-in-cheek, or an attempt at a seductive pose. This girl isn’t very attractive, but due to her poor childhood, she has very little self-esteem and so, exchanges sexual favours for things from men. Little does she know she’s at the shitty end of every deal, and the men are weirdo’s. I’ve got a little carried away with this one haven’t I…Maybe we should end this here.

One from Osman I was pretty impressed with:

It’s not you its me – If its you, shouldn’t I be the one breaking it off?…

And one from Dan:

I want to fuck you in the ass – Untrue, because girls don’t have dicks…

…Yeah, I was less impressed with that one…

Oh, and before I forget Yahoo is possibly the dumbest site on Earth: (Baring this one)

Definition – Affirmation:

The act of affirming or the state of being affirmed.

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* Busted - A way to describe a very ugly female, who can barely be described as female. A "busted" female is not even considered for Mercy Sex simply because they are so ugly.

Thanks to UrbanDictionary.com for that *Thumbs up*...This place really needs emoticons.