I’m watching some sh*t T.V show with sh*t presenters discussing equally sh*t topics, when the conversation moves onto the story of Clay Aiken. Apparently a group of women want to sue him because it is suspected he’s gay. They plan to sue him under the Trade’s Description act, claiming he was package as a single handsome heterosexual, whereas he is only 2 of those…Now I don’t know/care about Mr Aiken, or his sexuality. But this is ridiculous. Only in America. But is still f*cking love the States. I can’t wait to go live there. That’s gonna be so off-tha-heezy. So what’s my opinion on the gays? Well first off I’ll say that there’s no doubt in today’s society there seems to be a large push to portray homosexuality as normal and accepted, mainly by the mainstream media. Now whether this is good or bad is neither here nor there, but personally, the gays can do whatever they please, they aren’t harming me. If I ruled the world I would make every boy gay except me, then I would sleep with all the girls, ‘cos your all gay. Man that’d be so sweet. And if you get into groups and try to rebel and pretend to be straight, I will unearth you for the homo’s you really are. But seriously, there’s nothing wrong with gays… And also, I would get rid of talk shows because they do nothing for nobody. And I would get rid of whoever makes these stupid talk shows that discuss dumb-a*s issues that nobody cares about. I would replace the topics with stuff I wanted to hear about, here’s my top ten topics:
1. If none of us can be as cool as The.K.Man, should we just give up on life?
The result of this would be a general consensus to the “yes” option. At which point I would bomb the studio and turn it into a huge porno set.
2. Can racism ever be justified?
Result: No way. All racists should be shot. And people who say, “I’m not racist, but I do hate white people”. They should be shot twice. Because it’s dumb.
3. Should we cease talking rubbish and get real jobs?
General Consensus: Definitely. After the show I teach these sucka’s how a real man works.
4. I’m a 13 year old and I want a baby
You f*cking moron. I hate little sh*ts like you. What f*cking good are you to society? That’s what I’d be thinking anyway, but I wouldn’t say it aloud. Instead I’d encourage the girl to get pregnant with her no-good-pot-smoking-pr*ck-of-a-boyfriend. And then invite her back to the studio halfway through her pregnancy. At which point I would punch her in the stomach, and uppercut her boyfriend. Then we’d cut to a commercial break and I’d lay down the hurt some more. F*cking get in there!
5. I married my sisters twin poodle
I’d enjoy this show.
6. Help me Trisha, my baby don’t love me no mo’
Ahh you make me sick to my stomach. Why doesn’t your baby like you? Maybe the years of abuse and different step-dads every 2 weeks f*cked around with its brain a little. You f*cking useless wh*re.
7. I’m a smoker and if I don’t get new lungs, I’m going to die.
I would fly-kick this m*therf*cker so hard in the face . That’d mainly be the show. Then the cameras would follow him into the hospital, watching him recover. But after they remove my Nike trainer from his eyeball, *BAM*, I’m right there, fly-kicking that dumb a*s again.
8. I’m an alcoholic and its ruining my life
Your not an alcoholic, you’re a d*ck-a-holic. There’s no such problem. You’re just too weak to deal with life so you drown your sorrows. You make me sick. You don’t deserve to be the same species as me.
9. I really should have gone for 5 topics…
Yeah…but 10 is such a kick-a*s number
10. I’m a single mum, and the baby’s dad don’t come round no mo’
This show would be fun, but would mainly consist of me taking the piss out of the single mother. And then I’d turn my attention to the little sh*t she calls a kid. I think 5 Judo-chops to the throat should just about do it.
Shit, is it normal for someone to be so damn funny? I crack myself up. I wish I could do nothing but read my blog all day. It’s tough being this damn awesome, but I manage.
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