There is an act

So disgusting, anyone who does it is immediately blocked by me. This act, is forwarding chain mail. So many people send me chain mail. Luckily my Inbox is so freaking cool, is just B*tch-Slaps any chain mail in its ugly repetitive face. There was one chain mail that slipped through. So I read it. Hilarity ensued. At least it did in my head anyway…

What you had to do with this chain mail is read the sentence, and mark if it applied to you or some sh*t. I deleted the dumb ones.

[] I have eaten more than 5 meals a day. We’ve started off with what is possibly the sh*ttest question known to man.
[] I have read a lot of books. Another sh*tty one. But yes, yes I have. I have read many books, which is why I am an 18 yr old genius. Stephan Hawking once saw me and wanted to work on a book, but I said no.
[] I have been on some sort of varsity team. Wtf. This obviously originates from America. And the person who forwarded it didn’t even edit that. Lazy c*nt. I don’t know what a Varsity team is, but I’m gonna say I’ve been on one. They sound fun.
[] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping. Probably not.
[] I have been to Europe. I live in Europe. I have been to Spain. Its rubbish.
[] I have watched cartoons for hours. Probably. English or American ones. None of this Japanese crap.
[] I have tripped UP the stairs. No. Because despite my many talents, defying gravity is one thing I cannot do.
[] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs. Probably. I was a pretty retarded child.
[] I have been snowboarding/skiing. Nah. I’m a not a white dude named Mike.
[] I have played ping-pong. Yeah. With such a cool name, it’s impossible to resist the sport of ping-pong. I’m a real ping-ponger. *Thinks of other things to do with the name ping-pong*
[] I swam in the ocean. Yep. And I beat up a wave. It can be done…
[] I have been on a whale watch. No way.
[] I have seen fireworks. No. Whenever it’s Fireworks night, or someone’s birthday, I just walk around with ear mufflers on and look at the floor. Idiot
[] I have seen a shooting star. Maybe
[] I have seen a meteor shower. No.
[] I have almost drowned. Yeah. One time I was in a pool swimming around, minding my own business. And my brother jumped on my head. Fun…
[] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear. Every f*cking day of my life.
[] I have listened to one cd over & over & over again. Yeah. Probably a MJ one.
[] I have had stitches. In my eye.
[] I have been on the honour roll. The f*ck is an honour roll. If it’s a good thing, then yes, I’ve been on it.
[] I have had frostbite. Probably. Some of these are so sh*t.
[] Have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there. ¬_¬.
[] I have stayed up till 2 doing homework/projects. Yeah. Why ‘2’ so specific
[] I currently have a job. No way. I’m a bum.
[] Have been ice-skating. Yep.
[] I have been roller lading. Yep.
[] I have fallen flat on my face. Yep. Probably doing one of the 2 above.
[] I have tripped over my own two feet. All the f*cking time.
[] I have been in a fistfight. No. I defeat people with my mind. My super-power mind.
[] I have played videogames for more than 3 hours straight. Maybe.
[] I have watched the power rangers. I DO watch the power rangers.
[] I do attend Church regularly. Nope. Unless you call a Christian college a church. In which case yes. 5 times a week…
[] I have already had my 16th birthday. Yeah.
[] I have already had my 17th birthday. Yeah. What f*cking dumb questions, why didn’t you just leave it at 18 or something. Wasting my f*cking time.
[] I've lost weight since one year ago. Probably. I am now ripped. *Flexes*
[] I've called someone stupid and meant it. If by someone, you mean “Everyone you have ever come in contact with” then yes, yes I have.
[] I've been in a verbal argument. Many times. I win. Always. Apart from the times when I lose. Special needs people can be witty sometimes…
[] I've cried in school. Nope. I am a man.
[] I've played basketball on a team. Not an official one no. I did play one time, but the coach was all “Hey, Michael Jordan, get off the court”. And I’m not even black…
[] I've played football on a team. Nope.
[] I've played softball on a team. What is softball?
[] I've been on a track team. Nope. I’ve been ON a TRACK. But that’s about it…
[] I've bungee jumped. Nope. I like my life.
[] I've climbed a rock wall. Yeah. When I was escaping from a Russian prison camp. It’s a long story.
[] I've lost more than £20. Don’t think so.
[] I've called myself an idiot. Every day for the past 18 years.
[] I've called someone else an idiot. Every day for the past 18 years.
[] I've owned a spice girls cd. No. I’m not a gay.
[] I've owned an NSYNC cd. As above.
[] I've owned a Backstreet Boys cd. As above. Actually…No wait. I still have testicles*. It’s definitely a no.
[] I've cried myself to sleep. Almost every night. Nah just kidding. Only when I catch my penis in my zipper. Which is quite often…
[] I've had (or have) pets. I had a cat, and it died. Thanks for reminding me.
[] I've mooned someone. Nope. People with more than a GCSE in ‘P.E’ don’t do stuff like that…
[] I've sworn at someone in authority. No. People in authority rock. I’m so mentally developed, I’ve skipped that “Oh dude, authority sucks, The Man is trying to keep me down…” Phase of my life…
[] I've been on TV. Nope.
[] I've eaten sushi. No. Because I am a man. Men don’t eat raw fish. They eat raw chicken, and raw cow…
[] I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies. Yep
[] I've watched all of the Rocky movies. Yep
[] I've watched "Newly weds" Nick & Jessica. Many times. Although I call it, “An idiots guide to how not to fail at marriage and be a dumbass”.
[] I've watched Looney tunes. Yep
[] I've been stuffed into a locker. How big are American lockers
[] I've been called a geek. No way

[] I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade.No. If I don’t study I get sh*t grades.
[] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it. All my life. Up till now…:(
[] I've met a celebrity/music artist. I saw Chantelle last week. She’s a nobody
[] I've written poetry. Yeah. Not girly poetry. Manly poetry. About sandpaper, and football, and stuff…
[] I've been attracted to someone much older than me. Probably. Maybe even a teacher
[] I've been tickled till I've cried. Probably not, but I have pissed myself. Just kidding. No I’m not. Yes I am.
[] I've tickled someone else until they cried. When I fly kicked them in the jaw, yes
[] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it. Yup.
[] I've been in a play. Yup
[] I've cried in front of my friends. Nope. I’M A MAN DAMN YOU!
[] I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages. Yep
[] I've played Halo 2. Yep
[] I've been to China. Nope
[] I've been to Spain. Yep
[] I've had a fight with someone on AIM/MSN/etc. No. Them kind of fights are dumb.
[] I've had a fight with someone face-to-face. As opposed to fighting with them knee-to-knee…
[] I've had serious conversations on any IM. Every conversation I have is serious.
[] I’ve forgiven someone who has done something wrong to me. Never
[] I've been forgiven. I don’t ask to be. I don’t do things wrong
[] I've cried at a chick flick. No. Because I’m a real man. Real men don’t cry, or go to chick flicks. Real men eat glass *Grrrr*
[] I've watched a lot of action movies. Yeahhh!
[] I've screamed at the top of my lungs. Probably. At some idiot ¬_¬
[] I've been to a rap/hip-hop concert. Nah
[] I've been in a car accident. Nah
[] I've thrown up. Yeah
[] I've puked all over someone. Nah
[] I've spoken my mind in public. All the time. But only in me head
[] I've proved someone wrong. Every day of my life
[] I’ve been proved wrong by someone. Never!
[] I've broken a leg. Nope
[] I've broken an arm. Nope
[] I've fallen off a swing. Probably
[] I've swung on a swing for more than 30 mins straight. What kind of dumb question is that?
[] I've lost my backpack. “Backpack” *giggles*
[] I've come close to dying. Yeah. See the swimming pool one
[] I've seen someone die. Nope
[] I've known someone who has died. Yeah
[] I've wanted to be an actor/actress at some point. Not really
[] I’ve forgotten to brush my teeth some mornings. ¬_¬ Probably
[] I've taken something/someone for granted. Probably
[] I've realized how good my life is. Never. I always strive for more. MORE MORE MORE!
[] I've counted my blessings. I started to, but Simpson’s was on, so I got distracted
[] I’ve made fun of a classmate. Maybe…
[] I've slapped someone in the face. Don’t think so…
[] I've been backstabbed by someone I thought was a friend. I have no friends. Only enemies. Who I deceive…
[] I've lied to someone to their face. All the f*cking time. In fact, that should be “I’ve told someone the truth”, cos’ that’s how rare it is
[] I've told a little white lie. I’m not a racist, so I don’t colour my lies
[] I've taken a day off from school just so I don't go insane. I’m already insane, so I take days off school to preserve my insanity
[] I've fainted. Nah. Real men don’t faint. Pansies and girls do
[] I've had an argument with someone about whether or not cheerleading is a sport. No. I have an IQ of over 5**
[] I've pushed someone into a pool. Yeah
[] I’ve been pushed into a pool. Yeah.

Well this ended sh*tly…

*I don't know what I mean by this...

** It's 7...