Forget the side effects and pass the aunt mary/boom/chronic/dope

…/ganja/grass/hash/herb/mary jane/pot/reefer/sinsemiila/skunk/weed

Because lets be honest, what we really need around here is people who just don’t give a fuck. People who just walk around minding their own business – stoned out of their heads. The world is full of nosy motherfuckers getting into other peoples business and generally being a pain in the fucking arse.

What I’m really trying to say is, you really need to start smoking/smoke more. Simply because if the world was full of dopes, the rest of us (mainly me…) could rule the world freely, and all you would demand was some Wotsits and a Coke.

So the question is, Why the hell aren’t you smoking?

Some side effects of the wonderful Plant:

• Trouble remembering things
• Sleepiness
• Paranoia
• Anxiety
• Altered time perception

So you forget a couple things, catch some more sleep, become overly self-aware, worry obsessively about trivial things and get the time a little wrong sometimes. It surely doesn’t outweigh the euphoria that is getting high…?

But before that discourages you, allow me to assure you marijuana is totally safe. Those side effects don’t really mean anything. Plus, it’s been around since 2737 BC, so I’m pretty sure it’s safe.

Oh wait…there’s more;

Marijuana lowers testosterone levels and sperm counts in men and raises testosterone levels in women. In pregnant women it affects the fetus and results in developmental difficulties in the child.

Although it may seem scary, allow me to break that information down and give it to you straight. A nation of stone-heads is going to lead to infertile men, women with beards and retarded children.

But there’s something even scarier. And that something is:

The symptoms of marijuana withdrawal. That is, the side effects of giving up on weed.

Such side effects include:

• Anxiety
• Irritability
• Physical tension
• Decreases in appetite and mood
• Stomach pain
• Physical tension
• Restlessness
• Anorexia
• Insomnia
• Increased aggression / anger
• Strange dreams

Wow, is it just me or do they seem 10 times worse then the side effects of smoking weed? If there’s any reason to stay on the stuff it has to be them. Decreases in mood? What the fuck is that anyway. How can a mood “decrease”?

As mind-bogglingly-shit-your-pants-scary as that last list was, prepare to be delivered with the biggest shot of Pro-pot-head arguments you will ever read. This is entitled:

Things that can help you take a break from marijuana:

• Listening to music
• Taking walks
• Hanging out with someone who doesn't use marijuana
• Remind yourself to think positive
• Set a goal to achieve (a period of time to quit)
• Tell others what you are doing for yourself
• Cutting yourself to relieve any pain or tension you may feel
  

Ok, I added the last one...

Maybe I'm weird, but I'd much rather have a world of Stoners, than a world full of what can only be described as Goths.

“Taking walks”. *Shakes head*. Who the fuck takes walks?

And my final argument is simply, if your man enough to start smoking, don’t just give it up like a pussy a few years later.

Remember kids, Nobody likes a quitter.

Join me tomorrow when I'll be discussing the wonders that are; Underage sex and Spousal abuse.